Happy

I realized today that I'm really happy, so much so that I'm not sure a person can be happier than I've discovered myself to be. Now I know what you're thinking...

She's in a relationship with a really great guy. - Nope.

Her job must pay a lot. - HA.

She spends her day working to produce quantifiable results that she can be proud of. - Sorry, wrong again!

She won the lottery. - I wish!

She just feels beautiful today. - Not with a stuffy nose and puffy, runny eyes.

Then what? Well, this is just my opinion, but I think it's joy peeking through. Not that having joy means always being happy. In fact, I cried my eyes out the other night over missing friends who are states away. But I had my cry and at the end of it felt a wondrous sense of well-being! I feel cared for and understood. I'm experiencing little to no anxiety over the unknowns of the coming semester, and I frequently have an urge to smile for no apparent reason. :) Life is good, and it's because I know God, who loves me more deeply than even I do, has everything under control and is determined to bring me closer and closer to Himself, no matter what. Plus, he's gradually changing my heart so that that reality is sweeter than any other prize He could offer.
And you know what? His way is proving to be the best way, even when it's not what I would have chosen for myself. Life is good, and I can see how God was responsible for all of it. I have many friends that I trust, roommates that I love, a job full of dear people, a wonderful family, a home in multiple places, a place to sing with a group, a fantastic church of real sinners, and best of all, the gospel. So, no matter how bad I realize that I am, and no matter how little I deserve all these blessings, the Father who has given them still loves me, and will continue to love me even if those things go away.

So this girl has no children, is not married, not dating, and not having sex, has an income that is just a hair above the poverty line, has no curves to speak of (though granted, is considered beautiful), is hundreds of miles away from the vast majority of her close friends, can't go to book club anymore (GASP), does not currently have a career...and is, somehow, content. And not content with a bare-minimum, settling for what I have connotation, but content like the Spanish "contenta"- actually factually happy. I'll take this life over any other. :)

Thanks Lord :)

Courtesy of Say Bre Photography

A Year Gone - On to the Second!!!

Whew!!! What a year! It has quite possibly been the best 10 months of my life, and soooooo much has happened! Since the last post, we've made it to the end of another semester, including another Small Group study, countless conversations, Summer Conference in Panama City Beach (!!!!), the loss of Chad (the campus minister) and Ben (my co-intern), and the promise of a new co-intern, Davis, who is moving to Jackson with his wife, Ashleigh. No new campus minister in sight yet. Yeah...it's been a little crazy.

The Small Group study was on the book Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges. Ben and I co-led it, and I don't think I've ever learned so much from a book study! It helped us unearth the sins we don't take seriously and taught us how to fight against them. Turns out the answer is not to beat yourself up until you gain control over each one! The means of fighting that Bridges gives are things like apply the gospel, depend on the Holy Spirit, memorize Scripture, pursue practical steps, pray continually, and involve other people. We were able to talk through the way sin manifests itself in our lives and what it looks like to fight each one. I loved it because we practiced doing with students what we were trying to teach them. Obviously, I'm not much older than they are, but I'm already seeing the gift of knowing early on how to hunt for and fight against the most deeply rooted sins in my life. I pray that God would remind me to be humble and teachable as I grow older, because there's no fear in finding and having to confront more sin in your life when you have Jesus as your Savior!

This has nothing to do with the Small Group - It's our ultimate frisbee team from SuCo :)

During fall semester, I spent most of my time in groups, familiarizing myself with people and how they operate together, as well as learning how to do college ministry from Chad. This spring I spent more time one-on-one with girls, and my how I've seen them grow! The transition from freshman to sophomore is especially marvelous to me...how one year does so much is just crazy! I've heard girls talk about how God's love has become real to them and begin to deal with what it means to trust him with everything. It's amazing to me how often these girls bring up issues that I didn't really want to deal with in my own life - the grace of God, that's what that is! Anyone who goes into this internship thinking that he will do more good than is done to him is kidding himself. You just can't do full-time ministry without God doing some serious work on your soul. (Actually, in my experience, you can't be God's child at all without Him doing some serious work on you, whether you see it or not!) I can't wait to see what this next year holds for all of us. :)

Summer Conference was wonderful, as usual! It never ceases to astound me how much God packs into that week. The seminars on different topics and questions are always thought-provoking, and the Large Group meeting every night is a beautiful time of hundreds of people coming together to worship. Even besides that though, the way God orchestrates these experiences to coincide with conversations and situations we find ourselves in around that time is a constant reminder that it is He who puts us where He wants us to draw us ever closer to Himself. What comfort and what joy :)

Mandatory group beach photo at Summer Conference :)

We found out rather late this spring that Chad is accepting a call to be the assistant pastor at a church in another town. Ben is also leaving us to be the youth pastor at a church in Maryland, but we've known for a while that this would be his last semester. With such short notice (Chad didn't know himself until just before he told us) we will not be getting a new campus minister for this Fall, though we may have one as early as next January and, in the mean time, area pastors will speak for the Large Group meetings. Instead, we welcome Davis, who has just finished a two-year internship with RUF at the University of Alabama Huntsville! Davis will be our part-time intern while going to seminary in Jackson and will help out with the administrative side of things, as well as being available to meet with our guys. :) From the few conversations I've had with him and Ashleigh, I'd say we're going to get along swimmingly! Ashleigh, Caroline (another recent intern who is moving to Jackson), and I are already planning girls' nights, and I can't wait! :) :) :)
---Of course we'll miss Chad and Ben terribly. They were some of the best friends I had in Jackson, and we worked well together (though we had to work through personality differences). But this is still God's best for us, so I'm looking forward to this coming year with all it's changes and difficulties. He's been very clear about the providential nature of everything that's happened so far, and I pray that we won't forget His trustworthiness if things are less clearly for our good in the future.

Summer is the time an RUF intern focuses on support raising, so here's the plug!
We have about $33,000 to raise once again, and about $5,000 of that is covered at this point. Both one-time and monthly donations are supremely helpful, and all the ways to give are outlined in previous posts :)
The easiest one is to go to http://www.ruf.org/support-us/, click the Support RUF button, and select Mary Hope Bray under Field Staff where you fill in your information :) The site is secure and we never sell personal information to anyone!

How to Give

God has done wonderful things this semester through your prayers, encouragement, and gifts, all added to my time, energy, and ever-deepening love for these girls. I'm still on board, are you? The encouragement has been pouring in, I know there are faithful ones who lift up this mission in prayer, and judging from the joy and enthusiasm with which people are giving what they can, I'd say we can make it through the next semester with a year-end financial boost! We are a few thousand dollars short of the budget, so as you look at your giving for the year, please consider supporting me, whether you have before or not! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Giving is crazy-easy!

Just go to the bottom of this page,<---(that's a link to the page) and click the yellow box that says 

How To Support RUF

a simple guide

PDF

DOWNLOAD

You can view it without downloading it, or you can download it for future convenience. It explains the many ways of giving available for your convenience :) Be sure to designate your gift to Mary Hope Bray at Belhaven University (Not Belmont) to get it to my account!

Tip: The easiest way to give is online through this page. <---(link)  :)

It's a metaphor. Please help.

Please email or Facebook me any questions! My email is maryhope.bray@ruf.org! If I know you, I would also be happy to talk over the phone :)

Living Life at Belhaven!

Good gravy! So much has happened! RUF at Belhaven is growing in depth of relationships as well as maintaining the enthusiastic crowds that started out this amazing semester! Chad Scott, our campus minister, has been preaching through Acts in a series about what Jesus' death and resurrection and the coming of the Holy Spirit mean for our lives, and our students are certainly living it out by loving the community! RUF has helped with the Sonbeams ministry of Pear Orchard Presbyterian Church, which gives parents of special needs children a night off by taking these children in for a night of games, snacks, biblestudy, and singing. Our girls especially had a blast and have been asking when the next one will be :) 

Over Fall Break, a group of RUF students gave their time and energy to Palmer Home for Children, repairing greenhouses where the home grows poinsettias to raise money, working alongside some of the kids to space poinsettias inside the greenhouses, completing some odd jobs to make things run more smoothly, and just generally goofing off and showing these kids some individual love and attention. We played tag, hide and seek, basketball, and even taught a couple of two year olds to play duck, duck, goose! Again, students want to know when we can go back, and hopefully we will be able to make another trip this spring! 

Here is a picture of some of our crew with a tarp to cover a greenhouse. Palmer Home asked that we not post any pictures of the children for their safety.

The other weekend away this semester was the MidSouth Fall Conference. Over 300 students from all over the MidSouth gathered at Twin Lakes retreat center for a time of teaching and fellowship, away from the pressures of college. 

The Group! by Anna Lois Callen Photagraphy

The guys doing a "girl" picture. They're...special.
Anna Lois Callen Photography

Ligon Duncan and Billy Dempsey were our speakers, and let me tell you, folks, these men are exceedingly gifted at making the gospel come alive to college students through unexpected passages. I don't think these students ever expected Numbers to be so piercing and gospel-filled! Plus, Belhaven's RUF music team led worship, and it was KILLER!!! (Bonus: We have drums, oh YES we do!!!)

The girls playing "Inky Pinky Punky Monkey"...or something
like that. We're special too ;) Anna Lois Callen Photography

Aside from learning loads, WE HAD SO MUCH FUN! From the dance party to reconnecting with friends from other schools to disc golf to basketball to climbing the fire tower to just hanging out/napping, this was a much needed break!

Did I mention the Giant Jenga tournament?
It was pretty much epic.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support! In addition to these events, I have been able to spend a large amount of time on campus, especially in the Student Center, and as a result I know (and am known by) more girls than I ever thought possible! RUF also has avenues of reaching the areas of campus that have previously been closed to us in terms of student interest, and we are wondrously thankful! The choir director has generously allowed me to sing with the Belhaven Concert Choir, and Chad, our campus minister, has used his talent for volleyball to reach many athletes by occasionally volunteering with practices! We can't wait to see where God points us next!

What Do You Think of Me? Why Do I Care?

This is the title of the book we are using for the only official RUF small group this semester (more on that shortly). Ladies and Gentlemen, you should read this book! There might be a small percentage of people in this world who do not struggle with thinking excessively about what other people think of them, but (especially in the USA) it is a small percentage indeed. PLUS, it's not that long, and there are big spaces between the paragraphs which the author, Ed Welch, cleverly inserted to make you pause and hopefully encourage you to ponder what was just said.

Ben (my co-intern, who is leading the study) and I were thrilled to welcome 16 people to the first meeting! Hooray!!!

A thought about celebrating large numbers: I was hesitant to express excitement over how many people have been showing interest in RUF this year because I have heard all my life that it's not about "numbers, nickels, and noise."But did that mean it was by extension wrong to BE excited about the high attendance even if I wasn't broadcasting it? I don't think so, and I don't think it's wrong to share my exuberance either. We are excited that we have the chance to impact so many students and that our community is able to spread and diversify! If it were to shrink we might consider what we need to change in the way of musical style, outreach methods, location, etc. What we will not change to gain numbers or for any other reason is our dependence and emphasis on the absolute truth and power of Scripture in every aspect of our ministry. Anything else is worth changing to bring God's Word to our students.

Speaking of numbers, over 100 people showed up for our second Large Group meeting, and many of them were new faces, praise the Lord! Chad preached from Acts 2:1-12, when the Holy Spirit came on the disciples at Pentecost, and they miraculously preached the Gospel in the languages of all the people there! I loved the parallel Chad drew between God speaking creation into being, announcing through angels that Christ was born, and proclaiming the Gospel through the disciples in languages that they didn't know before. Each time, God acted in an unforgettable way to make clear to His people that their God is present for them! The coming of the Holy Spirit to live in the hearts of God's people was every bit as much His presence with them as Jesus walking with the disciples in the flesh, and God wanted to make sure they knew it! I also love how this speaks personally to the disciples, who were missing Jesus and feeling abandoned by Him, but at the same time makes it clear to the non-Jews listening that they were to be included in His kingdom because the message was in their own languages! Ah me, the things you pick up when you look at a passage of Scripture for the 50th time :)

I said I would explain the reason for having only one official RUF small group this semester. It is due largely to our Servant Team, which is simply spectacular! Chad, Ben, and I realized (after much discussion and consideration) that small groups naturally exist among our students without our help! The whole point of them is to have small groups of people (hence the name) growing in relationship together, which is what they are doing! Our hope is to have students love one another personally (Hmmm...sounds familiar...second greatest commandment, maybe?), so instead of trying to invent topics to draw people together, we are encouraging the friend-groups that already exist on their own to be intentionally outward-focused. This way, the older students welcome in the new ones instead of becoming exclusive and cliquish, which would only damage our community. And so far it's working splendidly!

Please be praying for me as I strive to love these students well, and praise Him for continually teaching me about the extent of the influence of His love for me on my life!

Trust

I promised a post about the trustworthiness of Jesus, and here it is:

    I'm a big fan of asking questions and acknowledging your doubts about what you believe. I think it was Tim Keller who said you have to allow for them because if you don't they will rise up one day and bowl you over. However, there is a point at which you have to decide who/what is the ultimate authority for truth. Here's a hint: If you can't accept anything unless it makes sense to you or agrees with your sense of right and wrong, then you have made yourself the ultimate authority. If you are not the authority, chances are that what/whoever is will contradict you from time to time.
    This is precisely the trouble I ran into with the question of prayer and God's love. I couldn't reconcile the biblical fact that God is love with the biblical fact that He doesn't save everyone. It tormented me that I, as a finite human being with a finite human mind, could conceive of a "greater" love than I knew was true of God. It didn't occur to me that my conception of love seems greater to me because I can't fully understand the love of God. If you are deceived (even if you are deceiving yourself) you don't know it. If you do you are no longer deceived.
     The issue of prayer was based on my experience. I had been unsure of how to deal with a situation and had prayed about it often, considered the Scripture I knew on the subject, sought wise counsel, and finally gone with what I thought to be the best course of action, praying again that God would somehow stop me if it wasn't what I was supposed to do. In other words, I did everything I could think of to handle things biblically, but when it came down to it, I still screwed up. Since then, any mention of prayer has caused a mental frown and the thought "What good does it do, really?" I could accept that "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose," but I didn't see any evidence that He was willing to help me out with the day to day stuff.
    I talked about both of these with Chad (my campus minister) last week. His response (though rather lengthy - he does like to talk) was very simple and can be boiled down to this: This is what belief is. Many things make sense, but when they don't you have to take them on faith. - My response appalled me as soon as it escaped from my mouth: "Faith in what?"
    My "homework" was to go home and not do anything except let it sink in that God loves me. LOVES me. I have known that truth for a long time, but somehow it got stuck in head knowledge as an abstract kind of love, instead of a personal one. I thought God loved me the way I love kids in Africa. Do I want what's best for them? Of course! Do I know them personally? No, I don't. Do I delight in their quirks the way I do my family's or my best friends'? No. But God's love for me is much more in the vein of a family member or best friend, except far, far more profound. I did go home to talk to God and read Mark's account of the crucifixion of Jesus. I've heard it literally hundreds of times over the course of my life, but this time I realized that Jesus proved that He loves me when He died to have a relationship with me. Me! Not just humans in general, but Mary Hope Bray, chosen before the beginning of time for no reason except that He was determined to have me in His family. Don't you think you can trust someone who loves you like that?
     I think of it like in The Princess Bride. From the very beginning, no matter what happens, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Wesley is going marry Buttercup in the end, and he even chides her a little for doubting it when she thought he was dead. After all, "death cannot stop true love." After that moment, she believes with all her heart that he will come for her, even when he really dies, and that trust sustains her and guides her every action even though she has no idea what's going on on his side of things. She does falter when it looks like he failed to come in time, but even when she doubts, he comes through, and it is in time after all! (Wow, you know you've been around RUF ministers for a long time when you see the Gospel in your favorite movies.)

    The point is: Jesus loves me. The proof of that is that He died for me, and the result is that I can trust him with everything. All I need to know about His plan is in the Bible (which, by the way, is a lot!). The rest is not my business, and I can be ok with that because I trust Him. You wouldn't believe how freeing that is!

    I'm not saying I wasn't a Christian before this, but I had strayed into some peace & joy-killing self-justification and self-dependence, and it is SO good to be back! One great thing about God is that he is always pursuing me, so no matter how far I stray, when I do turn around He's right there. (That bit of insight is from Michael Horton's Putting Amazing Back into Grace, one of many excellent books in my study program.) :D

    In other news, we had 52 people show up to the freshman dinner! I'll admit, it was slightly overwhelming, but it's amazing how much more manageable groups are when you talk to one person at a time and stop worrying about how to entertain everyone at once! Funny thing about college students: They're pretty good and talking to the people around them! Shocker! So we ate some food, played some games, and generally hung out, much to everyone's great enjoyment! :)

Best. Job. Ever.

Oh yes it is! I don't care what you do or how much money you make doing it; I have the absolute best job a single girl can do :)

Let's catch you up a little. Last week was BU.org, which is Belhaven's organizational fair, and the start of classes. BU.org was done carnival-style, outside, under some big, shady trees, and they had cotton candy, funnel cakes, soft pretzels, nachos, and a dunking booth, and RUF brought a giant Jenga set! Some of the students from RUF's servant team came for the RUF booth and we talked to at least 50 people about who we are and what we do! Classes started last Wednesday, and the servant team retreat was Friday afternoon through Saturday morning. It was a blast! A gentleman who lives in Madison (just north of Jackson) lent us his lake house and boat for the retreat, so we were able to go water skiing, wake boarding, and tubing all Friday afternoon before getting down to the business of the semester Saturday morning. Here's an idea of the time we had:

      

   

Chad's family got to come and join us! This is his daughter and Anna Lois,
to whom goes the credit for all these awesome photos!

Some of us were more adept...                                       

...than others ;)

But the guys figured it out eventually! Pictured here are Joanna, Ben, Thomas, and me right before Thomas jumped
on top of me, as per Chad's instructions.

We had fun times in the boat too :)

          

                      

Y'all, this servant team is a wonderful, encouraging, welcoming group of students! As I told them, I keep forgetting that I'm not with people I've known all my life because they've given me such an incredible sense of belonging! I am exceedingly grateful. 

Also, I was kidding about the adeptness. We had many guys and girls who were quite at their ease on the water. I, on the other hand, have added "attempting to water ski" to the list of things I like to do for fun because I hardly think 2 seconds out of the water qualifies as actually skiing. ;)

Lately I've been spending a lot of time in the Student Center because it's a great place to run into students, plus the Caf(eteria) is there so it's easy-peasy to find someone to sit down with for lunch! I'm also gaining a whole new appreciation for traditional-style dorms. At least 5 people stopped by while I was hanging out with one of my girls in her room the other day, and I met someone else who had decided to study in the lobby! It's amazing the things that happen when students don't have a quad with a sitting room and kitchenette!

Tuesday was the first large group meeting and it was majorly encouraging! Chad and Ben said there was more variety of students than ever, and we had 121 people show up! There was no lack of freshmen to meet, and I even remember most of their names! Unfortunately, I got very few last names...still working on that. But last names or no, I'm falling in love with my girls already :)

Lastly, tonight is the freshman dinner, hosted by a family from Pear Orchard Presbyterian Church, which is where I attend, for those who don't know. We are very thankful that the hurricane isn't making us cancel it, and ecstatic to get to know these students better and give them an avenue to learn about each other!

If you are praying for me, I would appreciate it if you would ask that I would humbly learn to do ministry from Chad and Ben and know what questions to ask them about it. Please also pray that my girls would never see me as someone who doesn't struggle the way they do, but that I would be wisely honest with them about my failings, my constant dependence on Christ, and His complete and utter worthiness of our trust. I learned a great deal about that not long ago, but I'll save the account for another post :)