Trust

I promised a post about the trustworthiness of Jesus, and here it is:

    I'm a big fan of asking questions and acknowledging your doubts about what you believe. I think it was Tim Keller who said you have to allow for them because if you don't they will rise up one day and bowl you over. However, there is a point at which you have to decide who/what is the ultimate authority for truth. Here's a hint: If you can't accept anything unless it makes sense to you or agrees with your sense of right and wrong, then you have made yourself the ultimate authority. If you are not the authority, chances are that what/whoever is will contradict you from time to time.
    This is precisely the trouble I ran into with the question of prayer and God's love. I couldn't reconcile the biblical fact that God is love with the biblical fact that He doesn't save everyone. It tormented me that I, as a finite human being with a finite human mind, could conceive of a "greater" love than I knew was true of God. It didn't occur to me that my conception of love seems greater to me because I can't fully understand the love of God. If you are deceived (even if you are deceiving yourself) you don't know it. If you do you are no longer deceived.
     The issue of prayer was based on my experience. I had been unsure of how to deal with a situation and had prayed about it often, considered the Scripture I knew on the subject, sought wise counsel, and finally gone with what I thought to be the best course of action, praying again that God would somehow stop me if it wasn't what I was supposed to do. In other words, I did everything I could think of to handle things biblically, but when it came down to it, I still screwed up. Since then, any mention of prayer has caused a mental frown and the thought "What good does it do, really?" I could accept that "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose," but I didn't see any evidence that He was willing to help me out with the day to day stuff.
    I talked about both of these with Chad (my campus minister) last week. His response (though rather lengthy - he does like to talk) was very simple and can be boiled down to this: This is what belief is. Many things make sense, but when they don't you have to take them on faith. - My response appalled me as soon as it escaped from my mouth: "Faith in what?"
    My "homework" was to go home and not do anything except let it sink in that God loves me. LOVES me. I have known that truth for a long time, but somehow it got stuck in head knowledge as an abstract kind of love, instead of a personal one. I thought God loved me the way I love kids in Africa. Do I want what's best for them? Of course! Do I know them personally? No, I don't. Do I delight in their quirks the way I do my family's or my best friends'? No. But God's love for me is much more in the vein of a family member or best friend, except far, far more profound. I did go home to talk to God and read Mark's account of the crucifixion of Jesus. I've heard it literally hundreds of times over the course of my life, but this time I realized that Jesus proved that He loves me when He died to have a relationship with me. Me! Not just humans in general, but Mary Hope Bray, chosen before the beginning of time for no reason except that He was determined to have me in His family. Don't you think you can trust someone who loves you like that?
     I think of it like in The Princess Bride. From the very beginning, no matter what happens, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Wesley is going marry Buttercup in the end, and he even chides her a little for doubting it when she thought he was dead. After all, "death cannot stop true love." After that moment, she believes with all her heart that he will come for her, even when he really dies, and that trust sustains her and guides her every action even though she has no idea what's going on on his side of things. She does falter when it looks like he failed to come in time, but even when she doubts, he comes through, and it is in time after all! (Wow, you know you've been around RUF ministers for a long time when you see the Gospel in your favorite movies.)

    The point is: Jesus loves me. The proof of that is that He died for me, and the result is that I can trust him with everything. All I need to know about His plan is in the Bible (which, by the way, is a lot!). The rest is not my business, and I can be ok with that because I trust Him. You wouldn't believe how freeing that is!

    I'm not saying I wasn't a Christian before this, but I had strayed into some peace & joy-killing self-justification and self-dependence, and it is SO good to be back! One great thing about God is that he is always pursuing me, so no matter how far I stray, when I do turn around He's right there. (That bit of insight is from Michael Horton's Putting Amazing Back into Grace, one of many excellent books in my study program.) :D

    In other news, we had 52 people show up to the freshman dinner! I'll admit, it was slightly overwhelming, but it's amazing how much more manageable groups are when you talk to one person at a time and stop worrying about how to entertain everyone at once! Funny thing about college students: They're pretty good and talking to the people around them! Shocker! So we ate some food, played some games, and generally hung out, much to everyone's great enjoyment! :)